you are perfect to me.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
last published august 2014? wow that was ages ago.
looking through old documents to try and find my PW PI from like 5 years back. i think my computer must've crashed somewhere between j1 & j2... can't find crap. thank goodness for emails.
and that's where everything began. looking through my list of sent mails was... enlightening to say the least. remembered all the people, the good times, the horrible times... mostly just feeling really bad how everything's turned out. its not a great feeling to have. I'm not sure i would have made things any better even if I could go back and do it all over again. I'm not even sure if i want to go back and do it all over again.
Right now? I'm just glad the pain's gone.
It all begins with a simple 'how are you?'
I've come to realise that I've begun treating this blog as a way to express what I want to say to you, but have no courage/ right opportunity to. Either that or i just simple don't want to come across as some rambling fool in front of you.
It was nice seeing you again, though we didn't talk much. I always get the feeling that your girlfriend hates my guts - prolly an innate girlfriend/ex relationship - but maybe because there's the idea that i'm here to snatch up places for the all-competitive residency programme. All i can say is, being away changes perspectives. It does wonderful little miracles for you.
Okay, getting side tracked.
Went to have a look at your blog. Its slowly starting to look like the past is slowly being eroded away.
I am sorry to hear about Patsy. I really did love her. She is really something special. Honestly? Probably one of the first few connections I had with a dog.
Yes, les miserables is a wonderful musical. If you ever have time, do stop by in london to watch it? The lyrics are amazing, but so are the beautiful melodies.
Yknow, its quite ridiculous for me to type all this in hopes that you'll read it. But i think its poetic. Romantic maybe?
At the end of the day, I'm glad that you're happy.
Things could've been different, but I bet you wouldn't change them for the world.
i found peace with one part of my past.
please let the next part come soon.
POSTED AT:4:04 AM
Tuesday, February 04, 2014
does it ever get easier?
to look straight at your past and know for certain that you want things to have turned out the way it did?
how can it be?
that time doesn't make everything better.
i want my dreams to go away - they did, for a while. now they're back with a vengeance.
haunting teasing taunting.
from 5 years ago all the way till the last time we spoke.
why?
why is it that some people can let go... and others just remain stuck.
is it stupid, silly even, to read your blog in secret ever so often? to see white words on a white background?
i don't think i'll ever know if i made the right choice. but a choice has been made and the consequence is something that i will have to bear.
on the bright side - hey, i think you're leading an amazing fulfilling life and i think you wouldn't have done that if we were still together.
don't know if you'll even see this.
just another thing in my life i muck up beyond comprehension. how can one person have so much guilt over one decision?
someone, anyone. please?
p.s. how ironic is it that the only song you've ever put up for me (i hope) is from the first musical i've ever watched? and it was with you, of course.